The lighter side of AUDI
09-22-2010, 08:14 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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The lighter side of AUDI
What does "AUDI" mean
It is a popular misunderstanding that Audi is an acronym for "Auto Union Deutschland Ingolstadt". Audi in fact stands for "Arsch Und Disch Insch", which roughly translates as "**** Up Your ****"
Keys
Unbeknownst to most people, the process for obtaining a key for an Audi car is long, expensive, and painful. In fact, a recent study showed that getting a key for your Audi is one of the most painful experiences in the world, second only to a trip to the DMV. 98% of Audi owners have committed suicide after losing their keys. Although it is little more than a piece of metal strapped to an oversized Lego brick, the key is almost impossible to obtain. First, one must venture to the Audi dealer, where they will take hair, urine, fecal, stomach, intestinal, and brain samples so that no person, not even you, will be able to operate your Audi. Additionally, an **** probe will be conducted. Afterwards, one must pay $1200 dollars for an Audi “specialist" (a little known craftsperson who lives in the middle of the jungle in Paraguay) to glue a piece of metal onto the oversized Lego brick. The journey does not end here. Then the brick gets sent to a different specialist in a different forest (with $400 of your money) to laser engrave the key design with Darth Vader’s Lightsaber. At this point, the Lego brick key will open the Audi but not be able to do anything useful (except build an airplane or boat). The key will then be sent to yet another specialist in yet another secluded Forest (with yet another $800 of your money) so that it will be able to turn on your car.
Many Audi owners skip the whole process by getting a spare key sub-dermally implanted, just in case.
Quattro
Many Audi models are offered with four-wheel drive called Quattro, named after musician and actress Suzi Quatro. The purpose of this is to make the car heavier and faster, so you spend more time at the gas station (when comparable models from other manufacturers consume a lot less fuel), which has the advantage that you get to flirt with the hot female staff there more often and get laid more often, approximately 4 times as often as non-Quattro drivers, hence the name. AUDI ; versprung durch arsehole.
It is a popular misunderstanding that Audi is an acronym for "Auto Union Deutschland Ingolstadt". Audi in fact stands for "Arsch Und Disch Insch", which roughly translates as "**** Up Your ****"
Keys
Unbeknownst to most people, the process for obtaining a key for an Audi car is long, expensive, and painful. In fact, a recent study showed that getting a key for your Audi is one of the most painful experiences in the world, second only to a trip to the DMV. 98% of Audi owners have committed suicide after losing their keys. Although it is little more than a piece of metal strapped to an oversized Lego brick, the key is almost impossible to obtain. First, one must venture to the Audi dealer, where they will take hair, urine, fecal, stomach, intestinal, and brain samples so that no person, not even you, will be able to operate your Audi. Additionally, an **** probe will be conducted. Afterwards, one must pay $1200 dollars for an Audi “specialist" (a little known craftsperson who lives in the middle of the jungle in Paraguay) to glue a piece of metal onto the oversized Lego brick. The journey does not end here. Then the brick gets sent to a different specialist in a different forest (with $400 of your money) to laser engrave the key design with Darth Vader’s Lightsaber. At this point, the Lego brick key will open the Audi but not be able to do anything useful (except build an airplane or boat). The key will then be sent to yet another specialist in yet another secluded Forest (with yet another $800 of your money) so that it will be able to turn on your car.
Many Audi owners skip the whole process by getting a spare key sub-dermally implanted, just in case.
Quattro
Many Audi models are offered with four-wheel drive called Quattro, named after musician and actress Suzi Quatro. The purpose of this is to make the car heavier and faster, so you spend more time at the gas station (when comparable models from other manufacturers consume a lot less fuel), which has the advantage that you get to flirt with the hot female staff there more often and get laid more often, approximately 4 times as often as non-Quattro drivers, hence the name. AUDI ; versprung durch arsehole.
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